Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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