I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
