I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it glows. i had to have it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
