my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
