did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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