I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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