a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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