then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
