Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
