Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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