i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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