Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
