i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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