The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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