Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
