it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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