How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
