He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
