I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
