Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
