Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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