my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
