Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize