Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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