How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
