At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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