There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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