oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
