My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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