Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
