it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
