his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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