GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
