the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
