420 ftw
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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