There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
