Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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