I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
