Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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