Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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