i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
