too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
