Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
