Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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