I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
