i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
