She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
