I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
