I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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