you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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