i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
