I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Randomize
