my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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