Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
