Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
