my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
