census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
