My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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