If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?