get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
about cumming, not toast
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going