Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again