Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.