There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.