My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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