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dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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