Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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