whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
