just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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