I think i sorta joined a cult last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
