IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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