We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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