He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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