Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
