your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
