I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
