i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have started to decorate penises.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
