I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
